Scott County, Missouri

March 8, 2005

  Here is our true story...

We received a call one Thursday morning that our 27-year-old son had been arrested by the police for possession of a controlled substance and was in the Scott County Jail. Immediately, my wife and I were devastated. Our son was going to be charged with a felony. Anger, frustration, fear, embarrassment and every other negative emotion eventually evolved in the hours that past.

We immediately contacted a local attorney we knew and proceeded to make arrangements to bond him out the next day. That afternoon, we received a call from the Prosecuting Attorney, who made it clear that he could not discuss our son’s case, but suggested that instead of getting him out right away that we might want to consider an alternative. It wasn’t the first time that we had heard the term “tough love” but we began to formulate some different ideas about the course we were about to take.

Also within that day, one of the members of Strength Over Sorrow support group contacted my wife and began to tell us their story as parents and how their daughter had been arrested and the course they took. She made it clear that “tough love” was difficult. The natural tendency was to remove your child from the environment of confinement. However, the more we discussed the situation, it was apparent that jail, a controlled place where the addicted person could “dry out”, be unable to obtain any drugs and really reflect on what they had done might be the best place for them to be.

I must be honest, my wife and I would have NEVER arrived at this course of action on our own. We were also introduced to a program called Drug Court that is administered by the Circuit Court system. If our son could qualify for this rehabilitation program, then successfully complete it; he could have the opportunity to eliminate the felony conviction from his record.

We contacted the jailer and he kindly allowed us to come down the next day and visit with him and assured us our son was in a safe place. Yes, it was jail and life was not like home, but for our son who had never been incarcerated, it could become a “wake up” call. The jailer also advised us to leave him in rather than bailing him out. It seemed as if the professionals who had been in this position before were unanimous about what should be done.

It was tough to tell our son when we visited that we were not there to get him out. We assured him that we loved him, but we felt this was the best course. No, at the time he did not understand and yes, he was quite disappointed. Even though our son knew we loved him, during the course of his confinement, he made it clear that he wanted to get out and now. We kept in constant communication with the jailer, who worked with us assuring us that our son was fine and he would know when he was ready to be released.

My wife and I didn’t know if we could hold up under the stress and anxiety that had unexpectedly occurred in our lives. The Strength Over Sorrow support group kept in almost daily contact with us and invited us to one of their meetings at Sikeston. What a comfort it was to hear their stories about what they had been through with their children and how they had successfully coped with the situation. They made us feel welcome and invited us to ask questions and express our fears and concerns. We went away from that first meeting resolved that we too could be successful. We were convinced that our son’s future was in the balance and we wanted to do the right thing for his recovery. The course of action would not necessarily be the easiest on us emotionally.

In the meantime, our attorney worked with the Prosecuting Attorney, Circuit Judge and the Drug Court officials to get him interviewed and approved for drug court. When his case came up, he was admitted into the program. He immediately had three rehabilitation meetings a week to attend, a minimum of three urine tests a week, every weekend was on-call for a test and then could be randomly tested at any time, day or night. Failure to have good tests or make the meetings could result in being sent back to jail, the last place our son ever wanted to be!

It suddenly occurred to us, that this program had control that my wife and I could never have over our son. It also had influence over him that even a private rehabilitation center could not have. We think we found the best solution for our son’s problem and we are pleased to report at this writing he is doing well. He is attending all of his meetings, is off drugs and alcohol (the urine tests prove it), is holding down a full time job and has separated himself from his bad associations (another requirement of the program). He has worthwhile goals now and looks forward to successfully completing his rehabilitation without a felony on his record.

We cannot express in words our appreciation to everyone who has assisted us in this situation. The people in the Strength Over Sorrow group were instrumental in helping us through one of the toughest periods of our lives. These are compassionate everyday people just like you and I. If you have a loved one who has a similar situation, we certainly would recommend this fine resource.

Sincerely,

Loving Parents